Truth or Lies
by magic is in thy blood
Summary: We live in the Truth of our own makings. The Truth always has some lie. Life always has some sacrafice . Love playes with these truths and lies as does past and present. SS/OC/Harry Triangle.
1. Chapter 1

_**Prolog ~ a hellish dream**_

All I can see is _HIS_ face. He is standing in a mist if black shadows that make _HIS _snake-like features stand out even more, and it's causing goose bumps along my flesh. I- I don't want to be here….but I must….I have to be. My feet sink into the soft mud of the ground as I bow with the rest, my insides screaming in harsh protest. This is the time hell starts, every time, with out fail. He rasped, as he walks the circle, about a traitor-a spy. He's mad, I can feel his fever madness thickening the air, making it choking, black smoke. Someone makes a protest, doubts the dark lord. He falls from the smack he is given. He falls into the dirt, his brains smashing out of his ears, his face white and looking up at me. McNeil. That's who hits the ground. He's the only one who in that instant between death and life, recognize me and who I was, but not why I was there.

"As you can see I can no longer trust even my own followers. Pity, but that will soon change." His voice was cold as his none existing heart.

_HIS _eyes meet mine then and I feel a pulling at my mind, but quickly block it out. He beckons me forward to the inner most circle; mutters erupt. So they knew who I was- not truthfully no- but knew what was in general. The dark lord shushed them ans smiled to me.

"So we have a dear old Gryffindor in our presences. A lover of those cursed mudblood lovers she isn't. fascinating. But how will I know if I can trust you?"

"My lord she-" some one tried to speak; a Hogwarts student from the sound of the voice.

The dark lord would hear no word of it. He yanked my hand forward before I could react. Before I could do what I must. He used the tip of his wand and put it on my skin. I yelled in pain as hotness sculled my skin. He retracted it and I fell to the ground, my world hazed, but suddenly bright lights raced across the sky like supernovas.

The scene changed and I was running. My feet trampling through fallen brush and forest decay. My death eaters cloak torn in shreds around my feet and blood dripped down my arm. I cried, dug into the earth with each step, apparition on my mind, and…I fell. Hard. Light stings my eyes from their wands, I hear yells of confusion, and hands grab me. I looked them eye to eye, heard a jumble of words from their mouths, and I was falling once again.

I was falling in fire and I saw only one face in the flames.

Pain

Hurt

Anger

Confusion

Ignorance

…..then blankness.

The face was void of anything I had come to know and love. Yes love.

"What you have done is inexcusable. What are we suppose to think, you hellish traitor. Do you think me as dumb as to think….you thought me a damnd fool?"

Black and white filed my vision, "it would be best if you left. No one wants you."

I awoke with tears in my eyelashes. I clawed the air as I sat up on the four-poster bed and looked around. My screams couldn't be heard because no one was around to hear them. The dorm was desolate as usual only with the sunless sky peaking through the paned windows. They never make an excuse to wake me anymore. I am still surprised I am even allowed in. with a heavy breaths and my heart jutting out of my chest, I tumbled out of bed, hitting the cold floor. My dream filled my vision and it made me dizzy enough to hold my head in my hands. I threw up.

A tear rolled off my face and traveled down my face to my exposed forearm. It rolled down slowly and stopped, disappearing at a dark patch on the arm. The dark mark. A skull with a snake- his mark. I flinched. My dream was no dream, but a collection of memories that haunted me.

Rain patted on the mosaic window with a loin on the glass in the far coroner. A lion for courage and bravery. For truth. Thunder rumbled and lighting struck, so it drowned out my harsh sobs.

No one would have heard me anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter one ~ at a glance**_

"I really must get some new cloths," I mutter as I pull on a long sleeve, pink peasant like shirt. We were supposed to wear our uniform through the days we have classes but I really just didn't care anymore. I padded out of the big titled bathroom from where I had pulled myself to through my silent sobs. As I gathered my things and headed to the desolated common room, the warring bell rung. I walked out and to the dungeons, my pack my only companion.

Making my down the corridor, I made a sharp left and walked down a flight of stairs to the dark, dank dungeons. There wasn't many students around any more since most of them were servants to the dark lord, and they all were sentence to life in Azkaban when Harry Potter defeated the dark lord the same year as….no, best not think about that. I ignored the not so silent whispers in the halls from students I passed. You see they all know what happened that night- they know the lie.

"Last I heard all the death eaters, even the bitches of the pack, were given no mercy. So why should a backstabber like you be allowed to live?" questioned a Slytherin, who like most of us was 19 but retaking our 7th year. The boy was lanky; sun burnt and went by the name Lorthin Davis.

It was all I could do not to walk over and punch him. Everybody around had gone quite and was smirking, laughing, glaring, or making rude gestures to me. So I walked over to him and looked him straight in the eyes. His brown eyes I noted with satisfaction were flickered with wariness. "In case you haven't taken noticed, I don't really care what you arsine prats think of me, but I will tell you this: I. am. Not. A. Death. Eater.

I felt a hand dig into my shoulders then and turn me around. I was face to face with Cho. The petite, snobby, Asian, ravenclaw girl. Who was suppose to have graduated but didn't due to unknown incidents of the war. As usual, her eyes were cold, but then again we never got along due to the fact something happened with her and….someone I know.

With out reason (but then again they thought they had one) she brought me forward and banged me against the cold, hard dungeon wall. Stars flashed in my sight and a sharp, tingling pain cursed through my head at the contact. On instinct, I brought up my leg, kicked out low, hitting her shin. She stumbled and loosed her hold on me, I came away from the wall but couldn't go anywhere as I was pinned in, and she had a hold of my arm.

"If you're not a death eater then why did the order find you at one of _his_ meetings running like a scared cat? Face it. No one likes you. You wouldn't even begin to tell the truth so why should we keep you around. You have no friends; in fact I don't think you ever had any."

I let my gaze flitter around the room and I laid eyes on people who I knew, who used to be my friend. Just then, the crowed parted and Harry potter, Ron weasly, Draco Malfoy, and Hermione Granger came through and stood in the middle. They looked tried and showed little emotion for what was going on- they looked anywhere but me. I hung my head, my black, short hair covering my face like a veil. I let out a short, non-humorous laugh, oh the irony of it all! The students backed away, muttering to them selves, even Cho loosened her grip, her eyes wide.

"If I never had any friends then how do you explain my so called traitorism? I must have lost _someone's_ trust or I wouldn't be in the situation I am right now would I?"

I smiled a big old smile as Cho looked at me and then around to the others. Everyone but Harry potter was looking down, away, or muttering again.

Like she did to me, I advanced on her. No one tried to stop me. I didn't yell at her or hit her, or grab her, to do so would only give them cause to rattle me more, to let them see there words go to me….which they didn't.

"I am many things, but there is one thing I will never do as I said before : I don't betray those I care about or love. Don't accuse me when you don't know the full story which I also said before, to all of you."

Strangely I was reminded of my dream right then. The haunting scenes probed my mind and stained like blood. Like a veil it shrouded my vision making me see voldemort's face as he shooed my away like a fly, and eyes, cold accusing eyes. Eyes that looked at me as I left Grimwauled place. So fed up with the visions, I almost missed Cho's comeback.

"From what I have heard you don't whish to tell the truth. So how to you expect us to believe your word or your actions? Being there makes you a traitor and one of them."

"I opened my mouth but a movement in the corner of my eye stopped me. Harry was slowly shaking his head no at me. No one else could tell unless they were paying attention. Obeying him, I turned around, but a black wall was in the way of me making an exit. No, it wasn't a wall but a black button down shirt that belong to Severus Snape. Not sparing me a glance, he looked down at the rest with cold eyes.

"I expect there is a reasonable explanation of why you're not in the room in your seats?" he said, addressing the throng of students.

Cho moved to the side of me and said, "it's her fault, sir. She dibiblaatry started a fight with one of the Slytherins, and then turned on me. I think, sir, it's high time that she be sent to the headmaster's offices. No one wants her around seeing what she did and what she is, and all."

The professor crossed his arms, his gaze boring right into Cho's. Being a ravenclaw, she looked away and poorly hid her shiver. It wasn't a surprise if he was using occlumacy since the war everyone knew who he was and what he had done for the wizarding world, and most thought him a hero while most didn't. he might have saw the truth but he didn't care.

Not anymore.

With the flick of his pale wrist, the door behind him opened up to reveal the potions classroom. There was no natural light to be had down here at all seeing it had no windows, but the scone beacons' fire cast an eerie glow about the room. The tables and vials on the table seemed to be nothing but shadows made of murky darkness.

"I suggest you find your seats," he said in a low voice pointing into the room. No one moved from their spots no doubt they wanted to see what their fellow classmate punishment would be. He waited a few seconds then barked with authority, "NOW!"

They moved, but none failed to bump into me save a small group that was with Harry. I slunk against the wall pushing my long hair out of my face. Severus Snape had his back to me after he closed the door. I studied him, his skin was paler then usual; it was sickly and drawn looking as if something had drawn away his life. His black cloak hung off him, the bottom spread like water on the ground.

"They lied you know, Cho and the others. It seems they never bore of troubling me. But you don't believe me don't you, just like all the rest." I moved a step forward and he had turn around to face me. "You ceased to care what happen to me and I can't blame you or maybe I can."

I could hear the students laughing and talking amongst them selves inside, but Severus spoke drowning that out.

"I think Ms. Thorwick it would be best if you sat alone."

As if I haven't done that enough, I thought, no one wants to sit with a liar. I walked forward despite myself internally screaming not to.

" please, Severus I-" I shut my mouth as he held up and hand to stop me. he turned around and walked into the classroom leaving me by myself staring in.

what makes me so different, I thought, why can't they just accept that I can't tell the truth. Is it so wrong?

_"I don't get it why do you put up with me?"_

_"Besides the fact that I must see you everyday in the prison from hell?"_

_"Ha-ha, funny, but I mean it. You aren't one to associate yourself with others."_

_"I am not going to try and explain myself to you, but I will say there is something about you that I find intriguing."_

Stepping into the class room I let of the memory and sit in the back of the room. I don't pay any attention as I take out a journal and start to write. It's best that things are the way they are, it means not having to tell them things.

I look up to see my once good friends talking in hush whispers a chair sits by them abandon and forgotten.

pleae review


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter two ~ hidden passages**_

I was ignorant to what was going on in the class, I was to busy controlling my pent up emotions that I had left. Professor Snape wrote rapidly on the board in the front of the room. The magical quill made no cringing streaks on the board. His voice went on and on about the effects of magical creatures and the prospect of potions. Looking at Harry's table once again, I saw Harry taking notes as he bet over a piece of parchment, Ron whispering in his ear and earning a glare from his girl friend, Hermione, and Draco sniggering to himself. Draco paused though when he caught me looking at them.

The other's, noting Draco sudden stop, looked over at me. We held each other's gazes before Draco turn back around with a frown, Ron glared, and he took Hermione by the arm facing her to the front of the room. Harry kept looking at me though.

"You will have four days to write a 5 feet essay on goblin and their effect on potions, and their relationship."

Looking back to the front of the room, I smirked. Goblins were by far my favorite mythical being. I knew everything one could know from litature to the stubble facts. Many things by goblins were given to the concept of potions this was widely known, to some at least. The class let out a groan at having to do work so close to the holidays coming up. They were let off easy in other class or at least I heard, seeing, as I didn't bother with presenting my self in class.

Mmm, holidays, this would be the first Christmas I have had since that night and the first one alone…

"Can we work together, professor?" asked a girl when it came apparent class wasn't going to settle down making Snape tick.

The class held their breath; Severus Snape was not one for group work, albeit he only let that happen once in a full, blue moon. Evidently, it must have been one of those moons as he agreed. The bell rang and the class shuffled out the door, but I took my time not fancying greeting any of my classmates outside. Harry and the others walked by my table finally, surprisingly Harry gave me a small smile, his black, long hair feathering his face. The other's just gave me a passing glance their eyes holding something I couldn't make out.

When they made it through the door, I picked up my satchel, books, and stood. A pen scratching on the surface was all that remained in the room's sound. I looked up and severs was bent over his paper. Doing as he did to me, I turned and walked out. My back being the only thing he saw.

Walking past the potions room, I took a right and went down an abandon hall. It was cracked and full of anything but dust, save a line of armored statues at the end of the hall. They were lined up side to side and had black crystal amour, their swords gleamed in no light but their power. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my wand out. It was a holly, fire wand made out of a feather and lose embers of fire. I was the only one with it's kind. Taking it, I tapped the middle statue and the line slide apart and pushed against the wall. Leaving the wall opened to reveal a portrait of a creature. It was hideous to say in the least, with it's gothic symbolism, and man-beast guardian with a crown of ivy thorns.

The painting shook and in a second it came alive. The beast man shook it's head and fixed it's beady eyes upon me. He was naked save a belted sash that hung down past his groin hiding anything form view.

"So the damsel comes back once again, but this time is alone."

The beast talked and his horns on his head jutted against the painting's face as if they were going to come out but didn't. I paid no mind to his words but asked for entrance. Weakness got you know where, that I've learned.

"so you do," he roared upon my request. His voice was like leather. "Tell me, daughter of light, have you spoken the truth to them or are you still wallowing in self despair? All is gone from the light in your breast. But the question is: will you tell them, and will you tell him what you hold with in your heart?"

Damn beast! As the door opened, I stepped inside into no more then a narrow crawl space that I was hardly able to walk through. Before I set out to travel the hidden path to the restricted section of the library, I said to it, "sometimes it's best to live a lie that people set up then to admit the truth. The truth could be just a bad as the lie if not worse. I am willing to live how it is because they failed to believe me. Maybe it's for the better it showed my things, made me think. Yet I care little for the treatment they show me."

The best man just laughed as if it was a big joke and he slammed his door shut. I was left in nothing but blackness I brought my wand up in a swish and whispered, "Lumous." Soft golden light filled the way and I began my walk to the library.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 3 ~ what I need…**_

The tunnel was crowded with a sorts of objects from the time of the founders and possibly years before. Cloaks, swords with jeweled hilts, bows and arrows, and other strange things used for the creation of Hogwarts and the land of magic. Ducking under an archway, I stepped out into the library's restricted section. I could tell from the dust around my feet no one has used the passageway in a while.

I cam along the passageway one night while my friends and me were sneaking back from the meeting place we meet Draco at. The bell had rung and we were quietly sneaking back when a prefect from Slytherin caught us. In a flurry of limbs, we knocked over the line of sautéed knights and reveled the passage portrait. Since that night we had been using the passageway ever since or at least we had been.

Walking over to the self that stood along the back wall I picked out a familiar green volume with a yellow rim. The cover creaked when I opened it and the pages crinkled and dust fluttered as I found my page. A goblin as black as night showed it pointy teeth in the top hand corner of the section labeled goblins. I couldn't help but think what would happen if I ran into the creature at night!

Even thought the script was scribbled in ink I had little trouble reading it. _The goblin a fierce and vicious creature of our magic world is very much alone. Not only does It's aggrieved nature set it apart it also is one f the reasons potions- the art of formulating magic is alive today. In the time of King Arthur, goblins were known warriors and hunters. Using the necessities they found they would mix potents together and the legacy of dooms craft became born. It-_

_"_Hello, Ivy. I thought I find you here." A male voice said behind me interrupting my reading.

I looked up, blinked in surprise, and took a step backwards coming around to meet the person. Right in front of me was Harry potter and he smiled as I bumped into the shelf behind me, making books wobble closer to the edge. Pushing himself off the wall he had been leaning on, he walked over to me his thin hands in his pocket of his worn blue jeans.

"Harry you scared the-" I stopped, backtracked, and said in a lees emotional voice while looking at the shelf, "what are you doing here? "

Emitting a low chuckle he said, "Last I check the best books on goblins were in here. Besides I knew you would be in here because you're worse then Hermione sometimes."

Putting the book back, I asked him not out of curiosity, no of course not, but out of lack of anything to ask, "So you were looking for me? How come your not with the others since we don't have to fight over who is working with who?"

His answers surprised me just a little, " I told them I wanted to work alone since I was going to be doing a lot of stuff I haven't got to do before, but I figured since I found you… you want to work together, ivy?"

"Why would you want to work with me? I am the person that shattered the trust between those I care about, I mean you were there that night when Siruis said he didn't want a traitor in his house, and they threw me out."

He walked over to me and put an arm around me, drawing me against him. His voice was low as he said, "Who says I think you really are what they say you are?"

Harry was the first friend I had ever made upon coming to Hogwarts and out of all my friends- not including Severus, Remus, Siruis who had been deaged to their 20's in order to survive the war- we were the closest. He was there with Severus when I awoke and there when I left.

He also killed the dark lord.

"In case you haven't noticed I am hardly talking to anyone any more, unless it involves defending my self. You saw how people are to Me." after I pause, I asked in a small voice, "Why are you being so nice to me Harry and not ignoring me like the others?"

Retracting his arm from around my shoulders, I was free to look him in the eye. His emerald green eyes reflected my image back to me. I looked broken. "I am being nice, Ivy, because you're my friend. You might not believe me when I say this, but I believe you, and when they threw you out of the house I asked them how they could do that, how they could demiss you so easily as if you weren't a friend at all. I've been looking out for you, ivy."

Harry eyes have always unsettled me but they also calm me in ways I didn't understand. His words though, spoke truth. "They did what they did because maybe they never really trusted me. I mean think about it, Harry, my past is unexplained and my magic was bounded until I was brought here.

Telling him that made me shudder and cringe inside because I knew the truth, the god-awful truth, but no one else does or will.

Harry said to me again, "they are your friends, trust me. They are just confused and hurt. I agree they are doing things to not make you see it and should've have so fast called you a death eater. It's hurting you though, what there doing."

"As If I give a damn about them or what they are doing!"

"Ivy." He rebuked as if he didn't believe me.

I sighed and walked over to the table, sitting down heavily. I pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and said to him, "if you are making such a big deal, Harry, you might as well stay."

He too sat down, pulled a book over, and looked at it. I paused in my writing and taped the ink pen against my cheek.

Maybe, just maybe this is what I need, and maybe things will work out in the end.

**Thank you to all those that have alerted or reviewed it means a lot to me.**


	5. Chapter 5

_3 days later_

"Ivy, professor Dumbledore wants to see you, " Harry said as he stepped out of the passageway.

I paused in my writing and looked up. Harry had his first draft crumpled in his hand and it seems to go perfectly with his holey blue jeans and black shirt. I don't know why but I had to fight down a blush as he reached pass me to set down his essay.

"How do you know?" I asked him, "I didn't think you saw Dumbledore all that much any more."

He didn't answer me in a flash instead he made busy while putting books we decided not to use on the books shelves. Between the two of us, It's taken only three days to locate the books and write the first draft. Ever since I had aloud Harry to work with me, I won't lie, it's been like a weight has been lifted off my chest. When we weren't working we spend the time talking and hanging out…just like the old times. The others had no clue where he was or that he was with me, and I wonder what they would think if he was seen with me.

"Harry?" I said again only I threw a paper wad at him this time.

It connected with a small thunk and bounced off to the floor. He slowly turned around and had an appalled expression on his face. He bent down, grabbed the paper, looked at it as if trying to decipher it, and advanced on me. It only took a second for reaction to set in; I slid out of my chair and scanned the area to see if I could doge Harry. There were books and tables in my way though, and even when I took a fools chance and tried to jump over the table, Harry used his seeker skills and intersected me with his hands going around my waist. He might have seeker skills but he wasn't really strong so we both toppled over onto the floor with a oomph.

Seeing how this was the older section of the restricted area no one came in here any more, and also seeing how I warded it any way against people on the second day, no one could hear us as I shirked in laughter as Harry started to tickle me. I was pined between a shelf and a table so my trying to wiggle out of his reach was in vain attempt. Kicking out, I only managed to make matters worse as a thick volume feel of the table and landed on Harry's head. He lost his balanced and fell on top of me.

"ow!" he breathed when he regained his breath. He pushed himself up on his elbows so he was able to look down and into my eyes.

" I can't believe you made us fall Harry and your suppose to be the ledndary super seeker!" I mutter to him glaring.

" I wanted to hear you laugh. When the last time you really laughed?"

I must've looked a sight with my black hair polled on the floor and my sweater on my shoulders loosely, but that didn't really matter as all I could look at again, like I have for the past times I had know Harry, was look into his eyes.

When was the last time I laughed? I thought dismissal to myself. Ever since that night and maybe Years or Months before when I discovered the truth, I hadn't been my self. However, these past few days I was only happy around Harry and when I couldn't sleep I would look through memories. As I thought this, Harry reached a hand and pushed hair away from my face, his thumb stroking my check.

Images of another time crossed over and took place of what I was seeing. I saw me on the couch with someone and they had an arm around me in an unobvious way, they said something and I laughed. Another memory of me standing in the rain by myself came up and the same person was there. They said something, reached out gently as I was an animal, and pushed my hair out of my face. They caught a tear and left just as fast as they had arrived.

Tears pushed on my eyes and I struggled to get up off the ground. Harry allowed me to get up and walked over to the table. I clutched the table and drew in deep breaths. He just stood wit his hands at his side.

"Ivy," Harry said softly. He looked as if he wanted to say something else besides what he did say. "Dumbledore is waiting for you in his office. He stopped me on my way here."

I nodded and sat my final draft near Harry's essay and I walked to the door. I glanced back to see Harry looking down at the paper as he took his seat. Something seemed off, but I didn't ask. Halfway through the passageway, my left forearm burned and tingled. I gasped and sagged against the wall for a second. Even with the dark lord gone it still had a habit of doing this- to reminded me of things I whish I didn't know.

I laughed though through the pain because this was probably the most I had been myself since that night at number 12 Grimwauled place.

The air cooled as I walked and I shuddered as a voce spoke, "you must become who you were meant to be when you were born. Lies won't hide it…. His death won't hide it….

I ran.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter four~ oh the emotions of humans

The eagle was majestic. It was like it was almost alive the way it was carved out of smooth gold stone and persics in detail like the way the wings curved out in greeting. This statue has always, always been the way of passage into the headmaster office no matter who sat in the chair. So it only made since it would let anyone who seeked guidance in life in.

As if waiting for me, he eagle rotated around and the stairs behind it came into being. I climbed them and watch the walls change in stonework until I was in little more than a foray. I stood in front o a door, wooden it was with little metal works within it. My feet wouldn't move to knock on it.

_Why would Dumbledore want to see me?_ I thought to myself as I pushed myself to walk forward, my hand now barley touching to door.

As if opening with my mere presences, the door opened and hit the wall inside with a bang. Taking it as a greeting to enter I did just that. It was as I recalled it. The cluttered knickknacks around the room, the overstuffed chairs by the popping fire, fuxes sitting on his perch, and of course, the headmaster sitting behind his long, gold orrnaited desk. He had tea in hand and his soft blue eyes reflected in the fire light.

"Welcome, my dear, it has been a long time has it not?" his white beard formed around the smile on his face. "How are you?"

"I am… I'm fine as one could be," I answered and took a seat when he pointed to the chair in front of his desk.

He held out box of lemon drops but I shook my head. He set it down after tasking some for himself and he interlaced his hands together. Seeming to look over me and in me he didn't speak for a minute. The fire popping was the only sound. I took this chance to look around the room and my eyes went to the picture sitting on the lowest self in the rows of shelves that sat on the left wall nearest to me. I got up and walked over to it and looked at it.

In the white from held a picture that was taken last Christmas. It was taken in grimwalud place and a group was crowded around the living room of the house. The older weaselys stood in the back and had their arms around each other shoulders and Mrs. Wealsy was snuggled up to her husband fondly. Dumbledore and Remus was on the opposite side of the groups and they were laughing at the black dog that lazed on his back. Draco, Harry, Hermione, Ron were clustered together on a black couch and draped over each other and laughing as they fought for room. I was on the edge on the couch wearing a red sweater and laughing so hard that I fell. Just as the picture was about to be finished taking I feel to the floor. Strong arms picked me up and hugged me to their chest.

"I remember that day. That was when I and the others got into the snowball fight and molly was mad that we tracked snow into the house she just cleaned. And we had to scramble because she wanted Mogonalgla to take a picture for the present she was making all of us."

The headmaster laughed at the memory, walked over, and put a hand on my shoulder. 'Memories are the best thing tone has to keep and to lose them or to live in their shadows is a terrible prince."

Snorting, I put down the photo and leaned against the wall and watch as Dumbledore sat down on the small steeps. "Ivy, I've heard you have been skipping classes again. You are a bright witch with so much to learn, but yet you wish to skip all that."

"Professor, it's hard to show up when no one wants you around. I do the work though and turn it so you can't say I am not learning anything."

"And I am guessing that Harry is to thank for that?" he asked with a smile.

I found myself smiling back and looking at harry in the photo. He was so determined to make me got to class but I wouldn't budge so he said at least let me do the work and he would turn it in. god, in sixth year we were so relaxed despite the doom of vooldmort hanging in the air and the malfoys who were being tracked by the death eaters, the Malfoys as it turned out were on our side all along.

"Don't you think it would be best to tell them the truth, the whole truth? You wouldn't feel so much alone."

I gawked at the headmaster and shook my head heatedly, but all Dumbledore was nod at me. " I think it would be for the best."

"You are the only one that knows the truth, the whole truth of what really happened, besides harry, the others don't trust my word. You see how they are about this imagine if I told them about myself! They wouldn't understand."

"I think you underestimate your friends, ivy, they care for you and-"

"Then why the hell did they leave me? I told them I couldn't tell them and they-they- they branded me a death eater and casted me away! I expected them to be surprised and maybe they are but this? How do I tell them, tell Severus that- I was there because- that my whole I've known-"

By the end I had quit yelling and had sunken to me the floor by Dumbledore. I wasn't there though I was felling every memory of my life as it washed over me. Like I was a shore that was catching the wild waves. I think tears are on my cheeks I'm not sure, maybe it's blood.

"I'm sorry," I whispered pushing my hands against me eyes. " I'm sorry."

Dumblore put a hand around my shoulder and we sat there much like a grandfather and a granddaughter. He got up a few minutes my sobs turned into silent gulps of air. He walked over to his desk, Reached to the handle of a drawer, pulled, reached inside, and pulled out to envelopes. He looked at them.

" it's okay, Ivy. Emotions make us who we are if we didn't have emotions then we wouldn't be humans."

I gave a small chuckle and looked at the envelops. One was a fresh white one with dumblore's untidy hand writing on it. The other one looked older, more cared for. There was something written on it put I couldn't tell what it was.

"What are these?" I asked as he pushed them into my hands.

"This one," he said as he pointed to the whiter of the two, " is for Severus, and I need you to give it to him."

"What. Sir, no offense, but I think that's a mistake- a big one. If you think he would want to see me or me see him then you have missed out on something. He wants nothing to do with me. I can't blame him." I muttered.

"Ivy. Ivy! Severus doesn't hate you. Severus is a complicated man and one cannot bear to keep up with him. But I know he doesn't hate you. I chose you because everyone is too busy it seems."

"but he won't even give me a chance." I whispered as I thought back to the conversation we had about three days ago when Cho and the others ganged up on me.

Dumbledore come close to me and his eyes swirled in knowledge one person couldn't possible hold in a life time. " sometimes we think lies are easy. You tell them for a reason or someone spreads them to such a limit one starts living the lie. They must see, ivy the wrong they have done and you must see not all is in black and white, and to trust. Not every one hates you, you know."

"I am scared." I said. There I admitted it. "Maybe the whole things childish but then what was mature in life?

I shook my head at the headmaster and headed to the door. When I realized he hadn't told me about the seond envelope. I looked down at it, and there is fast, small handwriting is my name. I turn around.

"Sir, why does this one have my name on it?" I asked in question.

"That should be answered when you feel the need to open the letter. When the time is right you'll know."

With that he ushered me out the door and I was charged of going to see him. Joy!


	7. Chapter 7

I thought about turning around I really did. Either that or sliding the letter under the door, but I knew deep down that, that wouldn't work. So, I found myself staring at a door, which I found myself doing a lot lately. The hall was quite save for the quite snores of the old man in the portrait as he dozed away. He was funny looking with a bald head and a salt and pepper beard.

"All I am doing is knocking on a door, handing over a letter, and leaving," I said to myself. Yhea, easy peasy. Not. But, I found my hand reaching out to knock anyway but, alas, the door opened with a squeak. Stumbling with a few steps back, I would have easily fallen on my ass to the floor had not a thin, pale hand caught my wrist. I was pulled forward, rocking on my toes, and landed against a warm chest. Spices and herbs. Severus. I allowed myself to soak in the few moments of warmth before I pulled back. I looked up to meet his black eyes but found his attention not on me but on my forearm, on my mark.

"You say that it's not real, that you are not one of them, but you let it be shown for all to see, like a prize or beauty mark. Foolish girl."

The first real thing that has had any emotion in it he has said and it feel like a slap to the face. It held that same tone and feeling it did that night. Only this time I wasn't begging or crying for him to listen, to understand that I couldn't tell him, that I thought he of all people would understand. I only merely shrugged and looked at him evenly.

"It's the reason that it's not real that I may show it. Why be ashamed if it's just a simple mark that means nothing to me, nothing more than glamour. No different than you."

Taking a step forward, his black cloak loamed around him like a demon from hell, and he raised a hand; I thought he was going to strike me. I inwardly flinched, but all he did was bite out, " You know nothing. You are but a foolish, insulate girl who fooled us all into thinking something that was not true."

"Do you really believe it?" I' asked him. But before he could say anything another figure stood in the door way. Remus Lupin, looking very much worse for wear since it was the full moon cycle, gave a slight cordial nod to me and to the other man asked, "Is everything ok?"

Standing tall, Severus replied, "Nothing to concern yourself with."

"Are you sure-"

Heavy footsteps came into hearing as eight heads came into view behind the werewolf. Great, I thought as I looked at sixteen pairs of eyes. Sirius pushed pasted Draco, his face looking nothing but loathing. He came at me making me back up into the wall.

It was funny. Before all this took place Sirius and I were very close. He was, in a way, like an older brother or uncle I never had. He cared for me in those few months I had lived with him before going with Severus to his manor. Sirius was always light hearted and though he got into trouble despite being an adult, he was always kind. But now, he hated me I think the most out of all them.

"what the bloody hell are you doing here?" he barked much like the dog he was.

Remus put a hand on the man's shoulders but it was in vain as it was shrugged off. "Sirius, stop being so childish!"

"Stuff it moony, this death eater shouldn't even be allowed to be out. She betrayed us all, she served him! Has us all fooled, she did." He growled, but released me. I thought I could hear hurt under the harsh words.

I moved to the side then out of reach and looked at them all. Part of me wanted to tell them to all go to hell, but I didn't. See this; this here was all my doing so I couldn't complain. I should just come clean, tell the god awful truth and put a stop to it all. But I couldn't, I wouldn't. I'd rather them treat me like this, let them believe what they will, go through all this, then let them know what I have been hiding. I was sparing them from the truth. Sparing myself to for if they really knew this then would be all for real and would really start to hurt. Not….that it didn't hurt some already. I think what hurt the most was there quick accusation and not their belief in me.

I thrusted out my hand and gave Severus the letter. "Dumbledore asked me to give this to you," I explained before I turned around and walked away. I let my voice be the only thing they heard as I began to softly sing, "I was blown away, would could I say, it seem to all make sense. You've taken everything away and I can't deal with that…"

Little did anyone know, the picture in dumbldore's office shifted by the wind blowing in through the open window in the east tower. It wobbled before crashing to the floor with a bang and crash. The frame broke into a million little pieces, the picture ripping into shreds. The girls with arms around her was separated from all the rest.

**please review**


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